why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
