real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
