I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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