you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
