Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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