last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
