the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
