btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
it's like heaven, but drunker
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
