In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
