my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
