I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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