Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
