If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
