I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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