I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
