It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's just like the Real World with babies
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
