I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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