This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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