She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Im part way to drunk.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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