ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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