low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
