omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
