This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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