ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
