I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
