Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I want to fling myself into the sun
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
