love makes seman taste better
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
