Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
