we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
