just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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