She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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