He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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