you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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