Betty ford says i'm here all night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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