Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You made out with two different species that night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
