You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
