pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
