are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
