A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
