Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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