Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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