there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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