He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
