Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude i'm inner monologue high
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
