hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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