6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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