You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
