had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
