You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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