He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
