Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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