Don't you send me to vm
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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