just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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