happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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